I wanted to be the Prince in the fairy tale. I wanted to be the hero. I wanted to be so much more than I could ever hope to become. Instead, like Samwise, known as Sam, in Lord of the Rings, I became a "companion". "loyal friend", and "gardener". Sam is a primary character in Tolkien's novel The Lord of the Rings, but he remains the archetypical second fiddle or sidekick to the real hero of the story, Frodo.What we want to become, and what we need to become, or are destined to become, is a function of our true nature.
I turned out to be just who I am. I have great humility, though I hide it well. I know my true nature and my place is NOT to be the Prince, NOT to be the hero, but the one who nurtures and supports others destined to their own greatness. And ultimately, like Sam, the one to "plant" the things that will spring forth with beauty and vitality and will repair and replenish the earth and all living things. And I respect myself for accepting that this is as important and noble a role to play in my own life as it would be had I become a Prince or Hero.
Each of us has purpose, Each of us has a place. We do ourselves no service to become anything other than that which is true to our own nature, One of my favorite quotes is from Demian by Hermann Hesse. Before the book begins there is this:
"I wanted only to try to live my life in accord with the promptings which came from my true self. Why was that so very difficult?"I have spent most of a lifetime trying to answer that question. There are so many who would have us believe we should "follow our dreams" and "make them come true", but dreams are not reality. They may inspire and uplift us. They may encourage and challenge us, but the true test of our lives is living in accord with the promptings that come from our true selves.It has taken so many many years for me to come to the point where I can rejoice in being just who I was meant to be. I can rejoice in remaining true to my self even when tempted to try to become someone I was not meant to be. So while, I will admit that I wanted to be the Prince, I am much happier and much more effective at just being who I am. I am filled with love. I am the "gardener" who nurtures and tends to that which I have planted and that which grows around me. I am devoted to my friends and family, and those I serve. And I have learned to cherish my role and live in accord with the "promptings which come from my true self."