Friday, October 7, 2011

I Try

For over a week I have been unable to write. It is not for a lack of things I would like to say, to share. It is because there is not enough of me to go around and the one that there is has been so engaged in taking actions on behalf of my beliefs that there has been no time to write about them or what I have been doing.  I have three families of patients that I see where the FOCs (father of child) are being abusive or have abandoned the MOCs(mothers of child) and while I am not trained to help these women, I have been doing all I can to FIND them the resources and contacts and help that they so desperately need. It is part of MY job description...not the one my employer wrote for me to follow, the one that my heart and soul holds me to following. So my blogging time has been traded for researching the internet, calling professional colleagues and contacts for ideas and figuring out what to do and how to do it. I am aware that what I do is not without personal at least two of these FOCs may suspect I am providing support and acting in the best interests of my patients. I cannot say more, but sometime in the past few months I changed....I decided that I would not be doing the right thing if I was afraid to help those in need just because it was not "my job".

And as I have been thinking about not blogging for over a week, I came to another realization.  That no matter how much I may want to share by my blogging, there are many things I cannot share. This led me to wonder: Do I really wear my heart on my sleeve? For now the best answer I can come up with is, "I try". I would like nothing better than to have someone I could share "everything" with as I do not like to keep so much inside. But for now, I will just continue to do my best and be aware of my own limitations. BTW these realizations do not diminish me or my efforts in any way. Quite the opposite. They drive and empower me to continue to try. I have not lost my creativity, sense of humor, or unique perspective. All will be there (and here) in the near future. 

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