Sunday, May 22, 2011


Not afraid to dream. Afraid of dreams. I have dreams, mostly when awake. When asleep the dreams take over and then they have me.  I am a lucid dreamer….I can close my eyes and in seconds start to describe the dream world that I see. But when I dream at night, people I no longer want to be with, places I no longer wish to be, fears ignored in daylight all come back for me.  And the emotional abuse I endure at the insistence of these dreams keeps me awake for hours, not every night, but ones like tonight. I want badly to sleep. I am afraid I will continue dreaming. Sometimes it is not until I am exhausted and the morning has begun, that I can once again sleep. I don’t want sleep anymore, just rest and a chance to relax so that my mind can go on without feeling haunted by dreams/nightmares. No lullaby, no kind words of inspiration, no song, no prayer or thought can I find to bring me the peace I seek. It is not healthy to not sleep. It is not healthy to have the dreams I do when sleeping. Nowhere I have looked for answers do I find any.  It is easy for me to fall asleep. It is difficult not to be afraid to fall asleep.

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